malas talagah kanina...
i was inches away from the jeep when two office workers snuggled themselves on the last two seats of the only jeep that routes near my house. what a fuck.
and a guy inside eyed me with pity.
i hate pity.
i walked home with the rain water sloshing my sneakers and reaching to the midknee of my jeans and topped off with questions.
what is the meaning of my life?
why was i in this world?
why is the world made?
why do we have to live such monotonous lives? we are born, we had a few good times of childhood, some didn't, we go to school for almost 20 years (25 or so if you go to masters, if you want to be a doctor, a lawyer or whatever), get to the workplace, and work the hell out till you die.
so what is our lives? if we were to do such, we have one life, and spending it it such a fashion might lead to regret. won't we?
our norm has been design and created this way, to survive, to live...
but is it for happiness? for the joy and the love?
In fact, as people grow, their selfishness grows, greed. materialistic greed. other have pressured themselves too much to get what they want. and in anguish they are, when they fail.
it is normal to fail. for me.
it is a way of life.
why am i here? what is my mission? what must i complete?
why am i always wrong, when i think what i am doing right?
why do i love and care so much?
why am i gullible?
why wasn't i strong? why do i have to shed tears everytime i feel hurt well up my heart?
why do i always fear people wouldn't love me?
why am i always scared people will not care if i die..if i would disappear...
why couldn't i feel secure...that someone is always there...